Last Drop Blog

I recently passed three months of sobriety (92 days). I figured I would just share my feelings and thoughts that have come into my brain as I reflect on this journey. I dont really have a general topic here so bear with me.

Getting sober has not been a magic pill for my problems. At first it was easy to kind of trick myself into thinking it would be. You may trick yourself as well. “Man… once I get sober I am going to have a perfect body, everyone will respect me, my issues will just disappear.” Not in the slightest. Although this is pretty straight forward thinking now… you may relate to this way of thinking in the first month or so of sobriety.

Life in general has got me down lately. I do however have some good days/moments. Like right now for example, I took work off today for a mental refresh, went for a walk, took a workout class, will go get a haircut, and possibly clean my room. I am treating myself today. If you are anything like me you had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for a reason or many reasons for that matter. While you are drinking it is nearly impossible to figure out the underlying problems that get you to drink and drink heavily. Sure, I figured I was anxious because every-time I walked into a crowded bar I would likely drink to a point of blacking out. When I was going to a party or event I would likely pregame too aggressively to ease my nerves. I felt like I couldn’t ease my stress at social places or events without a heavy buzz or drunk. So yeah I guess I could piece it together but my drinking brain didnt want to dig deeper into that issue.

My sober brain has no choice but to face that issue and make an attempt to get to the bottom of it. So yeah, I was hit with a lot of anxiety and even some depression after getting sober. These issues were almost definitely present while drinking I just used booze to blind myself from them. If you think you have a problem with alcohol and dont really know why…. I want to tell you it is going to be damn near impossible to determine why if you dont make an attempt at removing it from your life. It doesnt need to be forever! That’s important to remember. Dont stress out over the fact that you could never drink again. It is a day to day battle and you should never stress the future.

I have been anxious and at times depressed the past few months. The good news here is I have good days and I respect myself a whole lot more than I ever have. I respect the fact that I actively chose to remove something from my life that caused me mental and physical pain. I respect the fact that I am in more control of my actions and do more of what I truly want to do when I want to do it. I dont feel guilty for taking care of myself… self-care is not selfish!!

I have been to a handful of events with drinking involved and just very recently I noticed I am getting more comfortable with it. I dont drink and no one gives a shit and if they do give a shit screw them… they likely are projecting their own issues towards you. I went to a bar last Friday night and ordered a red bull, I went to a football game after the bar and got a Hot Chocolate and a water. Trust me no one gives a shit… I thought they would and earlier on when I went up to the bar to order a club soda and lime I would fold into myself. I felt my skin get flush and hoped no one would hear my order… I prayed that the bartender wouldn’t ask any follow up questions like “just a club soda??” or “no vodka?” guess what they haven’t yet and if they do I am confident I can respond in an appropriate way.

I have found it is easier to be more outspoken about it to strangers and friends. Just saying “I am sober” or “I am taking a break from drinking” can 1. get people to stop talking about it to you and 2. make it way easier on yourself. If you simply deny a drink or order a water and say “not tonight” or “I have a big morning tomorrow” you will likely get push back from those around you drinking. So, when you get to a level of comfortability with yourself be assertive and confident. Let people know you dont drink and dont be afraid to express the seriousness around it.

Anyways thats my three month check in. It has not been easy but it has gotten easier. I am feeling myself get more confident and I am starting to understand what can work for me in this life. If you are on a sober journey like me, just know no two journeys will be the same. Take everything you see, read, hear with a grain of salt. At the end of the day it is your life and I hope you choose to do what makes you happy. If you find yourself unhappy and life gets overwhelming you are not alone, help is out there. I am happy to talk as well. lastdropblog@gmail.com drop me an email and I will look to respond!