Last Drop Blog

The short answer is yes, on occasion. I would imagine people that are my age and enjoy going out and drinking on the weekends have this question. I had some great memories and times getting fucked up with friends no question. I still occasionally have moments where I think back to those days and glorify the good times. Just yesterday I was driving home and was blasting a song in my car and truthfully… I thought about a few times I did some drugs and got drunk. They were really good times I cant sit here and lie to you. I am glad I have those memories and can think back on them as I am sitting here today. I do not regret those times. But for me the thing is I had far more bad times than good when it came to doing drugs and drinking. Simply put it got to a point where I recognized if I was going out and choosing to drink there was a very high chance I was going to black out and not remember my night. It is easy to look back on your past and only think about the good times… everyone does it. Who wants to think about the bad times? It isn’t fun to talk about, reminisce on, and they don’t make for good stories. I am happy to say I have gotten to a point now where simple things bring my joy and satisfaction. Things that I used to thing were “lame” or “a drag” are now things I like to do. I worked hard to find the joy in these things. I recognized that when I was nearing the end of my drinking/partying life I was only feeding my depression and anxiety. Hangovers lasted three to four days. There were times where I found it hard to just feel “normal” both physically and mentally for weeks on end. The saying “drinking today is just stealing happiness from tomorrow” rang true for me and then some. I would sit at my desk for work on Monday mornings and just feel dead and depleted. I wouldn’t want to leave my apartment because I knew I would be hit with a wave of anxiety the moment I was surrounded by people. I just wanted to get through the day so I could hopefully fall asleep and feel slightly better tomorrow and the cycle continued. Thursday and Friday would roll around and I would find it pretty easy to forget how I felt the entire week and I fed back into my alcoholism. So even though I do miss it I do not think too long and hard about my decision to keep it out of my life today. I can leave my house on a Monday morning now to go grab a coffee and run errands and not feel like it is a daunting task. The only times I wake up and feel like shit is when I get sick it’s no longer every single week. Going to grab lunch or coffee with a friend is fun to me and if that is the only thing I did all week to socialize I would be happy. I am gradually starting to recognize who I am and I feel confident in my abilities to grow into the person I want to become. I have goals that I once never would have convinced myself I could achieve that now seem very achievable. Life still gets hard and things come up that are far from ideal but with drinking and hangovers and self-induced fuck ups out of the equation these hardships are becoming easier to face. I am not saying that everyone that reads this should stop drinking and doing drugs now because they are bad. Last thing I want to sound like is your old high school health teacher. If you want to drink and party and do drugs more power to you. I just want to spread a message that there may be something out there that is getting in your way… it could be a relationship, job, diet, environment, spending habit etc. The more you work to recognize these things and remove them from your life the more you will respect yourself and feel happy that you took initiative and did something to better your life. Before choosing to get sober I can’t remember the last time I stopped, reflected on how I felt, and did something to make myself feel better. I always knew I wanted to do something to change how I felt I just really struggled at taking the necessary steps to do so. I had no sense of direction and I now fully realize it had to do with my choices to negatively impact my life through drinking. I was hurting myself both physically and mentally week after week yet I would wonder why I am feeling down and overwhelmed in life. For you, it might not be drinking but it likely is a conscious life decision you are making that may lead you to feel this way as well. Reflecting on how you feel and trying to figure out what may be causing you to feel that way is hard but important and necessary for growth. Everyone starts somewhere and you only need to take things one day at a time. If you notice yourself occasionally missing some things you did in your past that is a sign of change. As always do whatever the fuck you want to do in this life cause it’s yours and no one else’s. If you’re out there working to better yourself I hope some of the things I write about resonate and help you in anyway.