Last Drop Blog

I dont really know how to jump into this so I guess I will just say it. I am dealing with a heartbreak. I had some incredibly difficult times the past few months. I have worked long and hard to open up to people and start showing them my true self. I have also worked very hard at learning to not take things personally. You deserve to put yourself first in this world. You only get one chance at this life and I hope everyone can work to understand that people need to do whats best for them. I had one moment in the past month or so when I wanted a drink. I was on a plane and dealing with some pretty bad emotions. I was sad, angry, anxious and I had to just sit and focus on my breathing and begin writing. I am forever grateful my sobriety and mental health struggles have re-introduced me to my love of writing. I feel like heartbreak comes at times you least expect it but also at the time you need it the most. I packed up and moved down to Austin solo and was in a very bad place in my life. I was in the early stages of my sobriety, trying to get a grasp on my anxiety and depression, and isolating myself a lot. I had met someone fairly early on and things progressed, it became a great friendship. My first new friendship since getting sober. Long story short things did not go the way I had wanted them to. I wanted so badly at times to look outward and find someone or something to blame. I feel like its human instinct to almost hope heartbreak comes with a terrible ending so you can feel better about your decisions. In this case, no bad ending. Just a situation that was not intended to work out at this time. I find it interesting that there is no cure or common solution to get over heartbreak. It is always just time. Time to yourself. Time reflecting. Time getting out and doing the things you like to do. Time with friends. I wish I could sit here and tell you all the perfect guidebook and steps to dealing with heartbreak but I can’t. Instead I just wanted to be open and honest about my situation because it is real. Everyone goes through it at some point in their life. Whether it is losing a friend, growing apart from someone, losing a pet, getting a divorce, etc. So what is the point of holding all your emotions and feelings in. That is no way to cope. It may seem like the best thing to do in the moment. It may feel comfortable and you may have the hardest time just getting out to do simple daily tasks. But you got to do it. I am writing this blog not only to help someone out there going through heartbreak but to hold myself accountable. I will not let my negative emotions and sadness prevent me from working on progressing. You can be sad and depressed and still find time to exercise, write, meet with friends, read, clean your room etc. Feelings are not permanent. I had written in my own journal a while back what I believed the purpose of life was. I thought at the time and still think that the purpose of life is to feel. To feel alive and apart this whole thing. To connect and open up about your story. To be willing to hurt and heal and hurt all over again. Because these feelings are constant reminders that you are alive, you are human, you are not so different from everyone else. So as you continue on your own journey remember it is ok to do what is best for you even though it might hurt. It might not only hurt you but the people around you, and that is OK. Work on not taking things personally. If someone you care about in your life makes a decision that they believe is best for them you are only going to hurt yourself by taking it personally. The best decisions are the hardest ones to make. You need to prioritize yourself.

If you are finding yourself in a similar situation I hope you can find time each day to do things future you will be grateful for. I wiped clean my whiteboard this morning and just put three bullet points. “Break a sweat” “Leave the apartment everyday” “Read, Write, or Meditate 10 minutes a day”. I am going to work hard at staying true to that.

Also with it being mens mental health month, do not hesitate to reach out if you are struggling. Men are far less likely than women to seek help for depression and stressful life events due to social norms. I hope I am showing at least one person it is normal to be a male and struggle with mental health.