Last Drop Blog

I wanted to start this post with a passage from a book I just read.

“Let me sum up what I’ve learned about creativity from the world of Wholehearted living and loving:

1. “I’m not very creative” doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who dont. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.
2. The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.
3. If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sign–it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.”

(from The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown)

Reading this was enough to just motivate me to start writing this blog post. I think the hardest part in doing something that requires your own motivation and determination is just getting started. Going to the gym, cooking a meal, waking up early, reading, meditating etc. the hardest part about doing these things is getting started. When you complete these tasks you may at times wonder why you were dreading getting started because of how good you feel afterwards.

I don’t know about you all but I would really like to leave something behind in this lifetime that is worthwhile. I dont quite know what that is or may never know what that will be but I had to get started and this blog was my attempt to start. I think in getting comfortable telling your story you can inspire and motivate people for a long long time. I think to some of my favorite musicians and it is amazing to me how certain songs connect with the way I am feeling or have felt. Those songs aren’t going anywhere and are timeless.

I think how you are feeling in the current moment is commonly what dictates the direction of your day. I am working on accepting my feelings but not letting them define me. I have battled with depression and as a result it has left me de-motivated and prevented me from getting out and doing beneficial things. In time, I started to understand that I was not gonna feel depressed forever and I am also learning you are not gonna feel happy/excited forever. You are not always going to be in control of your emotions and feelings. At some point the only thing you can do is just take action and get started regardless of how you are feeling in the moment.

I have also been working on accepting that there may be a time in my life where I look back on this timeframe that I am in and miss it. Not all of it I’m sure of, but the aspect of being young, having freedom, trying and failing at things, living in a new city, meeting new people, being sad and alone all will be things I miss to an extent. So what is the point of hoping to feel better all the time. Hoping to be in a loving relationship all the time. Hoping to be physically fit and looking good all the time. Hoping to have a huge salary and cool job all the time. When in reality, years could pass and you may be hoping you were 5 years younger again with a new mindset.

I am working to accept that I should be experiencing the feelings that have came into my life because they’re here for a reason. Rather than working to find things to constantly distract me from my feelings, I am working on accepting them for what they are. I am not letting them prevent me from doing the things I had wanted to do or dictate my day to day. It is ok to hurt. I used to run from hurt all the time. Little did I know that was no way of escaping the pain it was just a way to prolong it. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone it is not meant to be easy, it is not meant to magically solve all your problems, in fact it may highlight your problems and put them at the forefront of your life. This can be very intimidating and scary. But you signed up for it and it may be a long road ahead. You can either go back to your old ways and keep doing the things you are all too familiar with or experience the pain that comes from growth and new experiences.

A lesson that I learned throughout my sobriety and mental health journey is that you can feel like total shit and still go out and do the things you think you want to do. It is ok if you go through those things with a bad mindset and you do not notice your mindset change in that very moment. As long as you got started regardless of how you felt in the moment you made a very solid effort at change. Not all the time but most of the times that I have kinda forced myself along to get out and do things when I was feeling really low, I have left them with a much different mindset. I have some pretty clear memories of going out and doing things with friends or family when I was feeling really shitty and I can look back on those times and be proud of how far I have came in such a short period of time. If I had just stayed in all the time and never pushed myself along when I felt bad, I would have nothing to look back on and compare my feelings to.

This blog felt pretty all over the place but I think it highlights the message to just get started. I didn’t and don’t always feel like writing these but I know it is good for me. If you are feeling shitty or just sick and tired of doing the same old things day in and day out, get started with something new. Something that you can leave your mark on. Hopefully in jumpstarts a lot of positive changes in your life.