Last Drop Blog

I took some time off from blogging, journaling, meditating, the gym etc. Partially because I was traveling and sick but also because I needed to recharge. As someone who has an addictive personality, I isolate as a coping mechanism for my issues. I tend to set high expectations for myself and it can seriously overwhelm me. In turn, I can talk myself out of the things I want to do to better myself and isolate.

I recognized my isolation problems not too long ago. I have likely written about them in past blogs. Since I noticed this problem, I have had a difficult time differentiating my alone time and my negative coping habit of isolation. It can make it difficult to relax and recharge. I am a person that fairly constantly needs to be busy and doing something. I find myself making plans to do things and when the time comes around regretting the fact that I made them because I feel like I am always on the go and need to rest. I hardly bail on plans I have made or events I said I would go to because I would get down on myself and feel like I am not staying true to my inner dialogue. But, I am working on accepting the fact that I truly enjoy alone time and need it. I need to recharge and I need to spend time by myself just relaxing or doing the things I enjoy without the pressures of socializing.

I need to remind myself that it is ok to just do nothing at times. It does not need to be defined as “isolating” rather it is truly recharging. I am not saying I am ok with laying in my bed for hours aimlessly scrolling my phone and checking social media. But, I am learning to be happy with my alone time whether it is going to my room mid day to take a nap, taking a walk, listening to a podcast or taking a long drive. I need these things in my life. I fear isolation and I have felt the negative effects it has had on my mental state. I feared it so much that I really got down on myself for recharging because I identified that as isolation. It is not the case. There is a major difference.

I think there is something pretty powerful about understanding your feelings and knowing what you need to do to improve. If I dont spend time alone relaxing and resting, I will find myself overcome with intense emotions when I do go out and socialize. When I am around drinking and large groups of people with little rest, it is a terrible time. I tend to leave and not want to talk to anyone. When I spend time to myself and recharge, I can control those emotions far easier and will be able to be more present at events or outings.

So if you are like me in anyway…when you need it: take a nap, lay in bed, take time off from the gym, hit snooze, eat whatever you want, take the afternoon off at work etc. You need it. You will be better off because of it. Don’t feel guilty either. I think one of the hardest things in life is finding balance. Last thing I want is to grow old and realize I spent most of my days staying busy just because I thought I needed to stay busy and not because I wanted to.