Last Drop Blog

Even though I blogged early this month it somehow feels like I neglected the blog lately. Just felt like I didn’t have much to report on and was working on self care the past few weeks. I absolutely still need to improve on how I treat myself and understanding that sometimes I get anxious and it was not self inflicted.

My anxiety hasn’t necessarily came back into my life lately but I think I started removing some distractions that made me realize I still had anxiety. It has always been there and lingering but wildly enough I have had days, weeks, months even when I dont put too much thought into my anxiety because I dont feel controlled by it. But, I did go ahead and remove some distractions in my life this past month that may have been truly masking my anxiety and preventing me from feeling present.

I have had time to reflect a lot this past month after feeling like I pretty much had a lobotomy the past few months. I felt like I was just moving through time without many thoughts in my head. At times I loved that because I never got too caught up on the little things and it probably prevented me from experiencing uncomfortable emotions. But through my sobriety journey I have learned that the uncomfortable emotions and experiences are where you grow the strongest.

You cant just hide from shit and expect progress. You gotta be honest with yourself and not get caught up in lies or excuses. I would make excuses constantly while I was still drinking for anything and everything. I still find myself wanting to go back to making excuses for how I am feeling. I am working on realizing I am in control of my thoughts. I also understand that sometimes I just get anxious and uncomfortable with my current state and it has absolutely nothing to do with what I did that day or week. I don’t always have to get anxious and immediately be like “why am I anxious?” “what did I do to feel like this?” and start getting down on myself.

I feel like that is a valuable lesson I have learned this month and along my journey. Sometimes you really are not the problem…it really is not your fault..you didn’t do anything to reflect how you’re feeling. Sometimes you just feel anxious or shitty for no reason at all and you shouldn’t look to uncover why all the damn time. I definitely am an over-thinker and am quick to blame myself for anything and everything but you really got to be good to yourself. If you are putting in some effort everyday to better yourself that is enough.

I needed to hear that I am doing enough right now so hopefully anyone reading this can hear that as well. You are doing enough. You are not defined by your feelings or anxiety. You can have good days cause you deserve them and bad days even when you dont.

Also if you don’t go to therapy I honestly can’t recommend it enough. Lately I just hop on a zoom call once every few weeks and it is just an ideal way to check in on yourself. Sometimes I dont know how I am really doing or feeling without it.