Last Drop Blog

Admittedly I wrote this earlier this month for myself but figured I would share as I try and post at least once a month on here.

I have a hard time sitting still

Sitting still does not slow me down. Sometimes I am wondering if I am always going to be chasing something. A better vacation, a better job, a better girl, a better car, a better place, you name it. Part of this I use to my advantage because I can get my self up and get out of a funk because sitting around and doing nothing makes me feel like shit so often. I need a full jam packed day of productivity for me to truly enjoy sitting down on a couch or my bed and unwinding. I wonder if taking time to slow down needs to be getting comfortable with sitting still. I wonder if I need to meditate more. I wonder if I need to give people more of a chance before I cut them out of my life. I wonder if people in my life currently aren’t good for me. I wonder if I am financially secure to take more risks. I wonder if I spend too much time wondering. I wonder if everyone has these thoughts. I wonder if drinking in moderation for people who can is beneficial to shutting off for a bit. I wonder if getting off my meds will put me in a funk. 

All the time I have these thoughts and truly I wonder if other people do too. I think one of the many reasons I have a problem with drinking is the fact that I have to work really hard to shut my brain off for a bit. And getting drunk was a fast track to that. That’s not to say I haven’t been able to unwind and shut off at all. I have, it’s just not as often. But maybe that makes those moments even more enjoyable. Maybe my racing brain and feeling that I need to be on the go all the time will propel me to places I only dreamt of going. Maybe these thoughts are protecting me from bad choices. I have so much to be grateful for, so many people in my life that have care about me and teach me lessons, so many opportunities I never imagined having. It is ok to want more from yourself and to want more out of life. I find it hard to balance being content with where I am at now and enjoying myself and working to be the best version of myself. I owe it to the people I care about to slow down from time to time. To talk less and listen more. I owe it to myself to stay creative and to keep the passion for self improvement alive. These are all things I struggle balancing. In the grand scheme of things I am incredibly blessed. I think in your mid 20s life can be all over the place. At least from what I’ve experienced to this point. People come and go. Loneliness is a constant. Second guessing yourself happens often. A ton of introspection. A ton of trial and error. But also a ton of memories and a ton of lessons to be learned for the future. 

You can view this time in your life if you find yourself going through it as laying the foundation. Maybe you’re trying to see if people in your life currently will keep you stable and healthy in your future, if a career is fulfilling and beneficial to you, if your habits are bad or good… etc. 

I worry a lot. So if you do too we are in the same boat. I say this often but odds are you are doing a lot better than you think. 

One note I took from this now looking back and reading it is staying creative. I think everyone owes it to themselves to stay creative in a world right now where it is so easy to be consumed by external influences. For me I try to flex my creativity in my writing but for others it can vary. Staying creative or “flexing your creative muscles” is a great way to learn about yourself and to take pride in your individuality. It also opens so many doors to new thoughts and new thoughts typically lead to new actions.