Last Drop Blog

I am in the process of tapering off my meds. I am no doctor but I have some thoughts on ssri’s, anti anxiety/depression meds. First off, I think my meds greatly helped me level out at a certain point in time. They allowed me to stop thinking about how shitty I was feeling mentally. They allowed me to get started on daily tasks I otherwise would have put off because I was so overwhelmed by my mental state. I truly feel like I needed something to help me early on in my sobriety journey and that is why I set up an appointment with my doctor to begin with. I can’t say I am against these meds in anyway. I do however just have a few thoughts and takes on my experiences that may help others who are considering speaking to a doctor about getting on/off meds for anxiety.

First off, it was so easy to get prescribed these types of medications. I scheduled a 30 minute check in with my doctor one morning and on my way home I was heading to CVS to pick up to pill bottles. The doctor openly said that at least one of the prescription drugs was not intended to be an anti-anxiety drug but it was anti-habit forming and could assist. They will never tell you that these meds will 100% help you. I don’t think they can. They kinda just write you some scripts and ask you to report back in a few weeks.

They impacted the way I felt very quickly. I took buspirone and zoloft when I was first prescribed. When I first took Buspirone I felt in come on within the first 20 mins. I actually would compare the heavy chest feeling I got to taking molly/ecstasy minus the fun stuff when that passed. Zoloft took a bit longer and was less noticeable. In general, I remember just feeling groggy and zombie like for a bit till I started to get accustomed to being on them.

My anxiety was never fully gone just because I took anti-anxiety meds. I didn’t expect it to be and I don’t think you should either. In moments when I would expect my anxiety to be bad I just noticed it was less extreme.

I appreciated the medication at times. I also hated being on them at times. I felt like I lost some of my quick wittiness, sense of humor, and general excitement from being on the meds. They prevent my lows from being too low but in return they prevent my highs from being too high.

I have already felt odd tapering off. This is the second time I have tapered off my meds. The first time was difficult and I ended up getting back on the meds shortly after. I was only a few months sober then. These medications while not advertised as habit forming certainly feel that way getting off of them. I typically take my meds at night and in the past few days tapering off I have found myself wanting to take half earlier in the day because I feel like I want/need to take some. Kind of a fucked feeling if you ask me.

In the past I felt nausea, trouble sleeping, lack of appetite, mood swings, and general intensified emotions getting off my meds. Just like it takes time for the meds to stop working it certainly takes time for the meds to fully leave your body. This time around I am giving it a solid shot at getting off them for the time being. Could I get back on them? Of course. If things get too intense and I start noticing a decline in my day to day life I will look to the meds for assistance. This time around I am just trying to keep it top of mind that these meds consistently make me feel watered down and can suck to get off once your on.

Some of the reasons I am deciding to get off include being sober for a much longer period of time, being more comfortable with coping mechanisms when shit gets shitty, feeling physically healthy, and truthfully I want to maybe get to the point where I experiment micro dosing with psilocybin and it is not recommended to be on ssri’s and consume any other types of drugs.

We will see how things go. I have no expectations other than the fact that I will give getting off my meds a solid effort. I think it is important to be cautious of what you are putting into your body daily and that absolutely should include prescription medication.