Last Drop Blog

I have been having a hard time mentally lately. Just generally not doing well between my ears. I am very proud of how disciplined I have been through these tough times. I have tried incredibly hard to tell myself that when life gets uncomfortable it is likely because you are going through changes and you are not used to it yet. If you know deep down you are doing the things you should be doing to better yourself and you still feel shitty… keep going. You just may be changing as a person and that person is experiencing things with a fresh mind. It may be uncomfortable at first, like all things new. You may have shifted your perspectives on things and you are having a difficult time interpreting what is going on around you. Keep going. This new version of yourself that you have worked so hard to build may just need some time to get settled. This is where I am glad I have some discipline built up. I am grateful I am aware of opposite action or choosing to do the opposite of what your emotions tell you to do. Lately I have leveraged opposite action by taking a nap or at least trying. Must sound like a tough life… but hear me out. I can find myself so overwhelmed at times that I am questioning what I should go out and do. I come up with a handful of things like; meet up with friends, go to the gym, grab a coffee, grocery shop, clean my room, blog and then my mind just goes. I start getting hard on myself for not capitalizing on the moment and wasting my potential. It is my free time and I am just sitting here wasting it away I think to myself. But as I take the opposite action and attempt to lay down in bed and nap. I find that I am commonly overworked and tired. I find that all those things I was kicking my ass over not doing, I never really wanted to do in the first place. I feel incredibly refreshed and grateful that I gave my mind a chance to rest. I cannot explain to you how bad my mental was just this morning. I woke up and just felt crushed mentally. I had no real idea why either. These are the hard times, when I cannot point to anything specific going on in my life that would make me feel so down. I thought about how I am off my medication now and how I just may be depressed. I thought about how much work I have put into being physically fit the past few months and how much I did not feel rewarded by it. I thought about how lonely I have been feeling lately. I thought about how I could not think about anything that would have cheered me up. It is crazy when you are in that kinda mindset. I truly have come to believe in faith however and I am learning to be understanding of these dark times. I can learn from my feelings. I can act on them. I cannot be attached to them. I am impressed with how I handled the day today and how I am now here writing this blog in a different headspace. If it weren’t for feeling so shitty today and as of late, I wouldn’t have reconnected with my sober community. It has been months since I have been to an event with them and I decided to attend one tonight. It is almost like I re-discovered the importance of connecting with a sober community through these times. Loneliness cannot be solved by simply being around other people. You must feel connected. You must feel like you are serving them and they are serving you. I have been feeling like a total outsider for being 25, living in a city, and being sober. I needed to surround myself with other sober people and I am glad I did today. If you are younger and you have been wanting to get sober, you will not be an outsider. There are plenty of people just like you. You can and you will find them. Your true friends will still be your true friends outside of drinking and partying. You will have a better gauge on the new people you want to let into your life. I remember a few of the things holding me back from taking the leap to getting sober was wondering how I was going to meet new people. Trust me, when you commit to a life change like getting sober after having a negative relationship with drugs and alcohol, the things you once were concerned about will change. You likely need to work long and hard on yourself for a while and that is ok. It can be a beautiful thing when you start seeing the changes. So do not worry about what your life will be like “if you stopped drinking”. If you truly know drinking is bringing no benefit to your life and you have been wanting to stop for a while, simply think about the first day. Take things slow. Know you are not alone. Learn about yourself. Watch things progress. It will not be easy but it will get easier. I never believed that early on in my journey when I read that but now I truly do. Connect with other people on a similar journey to you and grow together. Progress feels weird because its new.