Last Drop Blog

I likely will record a video recapping the past three years and covering some topics that I feel will be meaningful for others.

First off, I am grateful for this blog. Even if nobody reads it, it still holds immense value to me. It has taught me to understand why you should do things for you. It has taught me to take action even when you don’t necessarily know why you are doing something. It has taught me to be authentic. It has taught me to be patient. It has taught me to reflect.

This blog has been my sobriety sidekick. I have sat down to type on this laptop many many times. I have written blogs when I was depressed. I have written blogs when I was angry. I have written blogs when I was proud. I have written blogs when I was uncertain. I have written blogs when I wanted to and when I have not.

Writing, like many things, is an outlet. For me, it is one of the best outlets. There are not too many things that get me to sit down and focus on the bigger picture quite like writing.

I do not think I would be in the place I am today without writing. For someone reading this, I hope you find your outlet or your “sobriety sidekick”.

I was in deep thought just yesterday on a walk. Reflecting about the past three years and how things have changed. How I have grown. Things that I used to care about that I no longer do. Things that I never cared about that now are in the forefront of my life. Things that I used to fear. Things that brought me anxiety. Things that brought me stress and sadness. Things that made me happy.

The decision to stop drinking was HUGE for me. I cannot emphasize that enough. I notice a monumental shift in who I am today because of it. The past three years seem like an entirely new journey, not just a new chapter of life.

Why did I stop? I recognized that drinking was something I had no control over. I couldn’t not blackout.

Was it hard to stop? Yes, some of the hardest moments of my life were in the first year to two years of my sobriety journey.

Will you ever drink again? Highly unlikely. I have zero desire to and I truly believe I will never be someone who can casually drink.

What do you do now that you don’t drink? I live my life. I truly feel like now, after three years, I never even opened myself up to my life before. I never let myself feel my emotions properly. I never dug deeper into who I was and what I enjoy out of this life. So I do those things now.

I will pick three of my biggest takeaways from three years of sobriety. It is hard to select just three so this is simply how I am feeling right now in this moment of reflection.

1. Substance Abuse is deeper than the substance. I drank to avoid my feelings and my circumstances. Turns out I suffered from incredibly low self esteem issues, lack of self worth, depression and anxiety. Drinking made all those things worse not better.
2. You get out what you put in. It was time for me to start being realistic about my life when I decided I needed to stop drinking. When you treat your mind and body like shit you feel like shit. The silver lining to that is when you treat your mind and body well you start to feel better more consistently. It is on you to understand if the work you have been putting into yourself is sufficient enough. You know the answer to that, trust me.
3. The journey is the reward. When you are chasing a better version of yourself, it can become quite easy to never shut that engine off or slow it down. Many of the things you have once wished for already came true, you just blinded yourself to that by creating new wishes. I have so many lifelong memories through my three years of sobriety. Some intense memories filled with sadness, anger, fear, joy, pride and love. They are all my memories. They help me feel human and connected to this life. At many points in my past, I did not.

I have truly changed the course of my life from one decision. To some that may feel over the top and hard to believe but without a doubt I have.

I recall commenting on a post in a sober forum in the early months of my sobriety and the question was, what is your why? What is your reason for staying sober today?

To that I answered: The thought of growing older and never really figuring out who I really am.

…….

If you are struggling with your drinking or anything related, and want to make a serious change. The best thing you can do it let people know. You are not alone. We are all unique yet we are all very similar. A raw and authentic conversation can go an incredibly long way. Do not be afraid to have them. I am available to chat and share more about my journey for anyone reading this interested. You can