Last Drop Blog

Last November I made a post about not knowing what I am doing and what I want to be doing. It is now the following September and I feel the exact same way. It is quite frustrating to say the least but it is also a bit reassuring. Here is why it is frustrating. Not much has changed career wise. I did get a job shortly after that post and I no longer have said job. Around that time last year I was unemployed for several months following a lay off. I got a job as a golf cart attendant at a local golf course to try and stay busy and make a little bit of money. I quit after a month or two. I put a lot of effort in trying to land a new full time job. The past two roles I had were high earning roles in tech sales. This time last year I was trying and trying to find a similar role at a similar salary and I struggled quite a bit. Ever since I graduated college in 2019 it was fairly easy for me to land a job. I was recruited for an entry level sales role out of college. I applied via Indeed and was hired within a week or two for my second job. I had a referral and a short one to two week interview process for my third job. I had a one week turnaround for my 4th job. For my 5th job it was the same. I had know based off of being laid off three times that the job market wasn’t the greatest. During covid a company I worked at took a massive hit and laid off me and my entire department of over 20 people. Last year I was laid off alongside my entire department as well. I was lucky enough to have another job lined up. I frankly hated that job as soon as I started it and was ready to quit. I remember a former colleague advised me to not do so because it was one of the worst job markets they have seen. I took their advice and stuck it out but my role was removed months after. I didn’t perform well at that role and it was the first role I was kind of fired from. In the past I either flat out quit on my own or was apart of a major company lay off.

Just recently I was again fired from another sales role. It was not my choice.

Admittedly, I took the recent role somewhat out of desperation. I sort of thought it would be a role that I could take a lot from and grow from or at least I convinced myself of that. I was nearing 7 months of unemployed life and money was tight. I took a very low level role compared to what I was accustomed to and took a massive pay decrease compared to what I was making at the start of last year. I was essentially told that if I did nearly everything perfect and then some I could have made X amount of money and that number was still significantly lower than what I was familiar with making. I was not motivated at this role and the job didn’t work well for me. I would work super hard in bursts and I would slack off and rinse and repeat. Going the extra mile didn’t quite mean much to me and truthfully I dont exactly know why I felt this way. I just wasn’t excited about the job at all. It also involved cold calling which was something I hadn’t done since graduating college in 2019 and starting my first sales role. I hated and still hate cold calling. It was not something I had to do at various other roles and I enjoyed those jobs much more. It is truly not for me. In the sales world it can be viewed as weak to say that and people may tell you something like “thats because you havent done it enough” or toss some motivational quote your way. The truth is I hate it and I do not want to be in a position to do it again. I did realize yet again that I dislike sales or at least that level of sales. It still felt shitty to get fired from another job.

So here I am nearly a year later from writing that last blog about having no idea what I want to do. I feel very similar. Money will likely again be tight soon. It still feels very hard to land a job. Many of the jobs I worked in the past I had a disliking for. I roughly know what I hate and what I can tolerate when it comes to most corporate work.

So here I am faced with a similar situation to the one I was in last year. This time around I at the very least know what I hate. I know what will drive me to the point of not caring. I know what wont motivate me.

I have been realizing that not knowing what you want to do is a normal feeling. I have asked friends and people around me what they would do if they lost their job and many of which had no solid answer. I have chatted with friends who work as teachers if they enjoy their work. Every single one responded “yes”. They all said they leave work more often than not happy and excited to be back the next day.

That is really the only frame of reference I had for non office jobs. Maybe if you can take one thing away from this it should be to text a friend who works in a very different career than you and ask if they enjoy what they do. Maybe reach out to someone in a career that you always were curious about and ask them how it makes them feel.

My questions now is “do I try my best to lean into that career or job that seems a bit more interesting to me that would force me to start from the ground up OR do I lean back into a job that I can likely tolerate but somewhat hate?” I think the answer is quite obvious but I am also learning a lot about being an adult and financial responsibilities. Deep down in my heart I truly believe if you can find what you are truly passionate about and work hard enough and remain curious you can find ways to have that financially support you. I also know that I have a responsibility to myself and to the people closest to me to be financially stable.

I just wanted to yet again share that even though nearly a year has passed I still have no idea what I am doing. I feel quite ok about it. If you are in the same boat I believe you should too. The alternative is not knowing what you want to do and feeling bad about it. If I can remain at ease and lean into my faith and trust in my abilities, I can find myself in solid positions to never settle and fall back to comfortable circumstances.

There is some pressure in being now in my late 20s and having a bit more of a grasp on my sobriety and general well being. I feel as if I should be settled into a career of some sorts that I at least have insight into what the next few years would look like.

But I dont. I believe I dont because that is not how I am supposed to be living my life right now. It is supposed to be someone uncertain and stressful career wise. It came at a time where I am much stronger mentally too. If these career hardships came when I was only one year sober or just a few months I would likely have been a wreck.

Everything happens for a reason. Challenging times force you to look inward and put things into perspective. It is a blessing to have something like a job you disliked removed from your life unwillingly. If if never happened how long would you have let yourself continue to stick around?

If you feel challenged in your life now. I hope you can find time to reflect on how you gotten to this point and why you think you are being challenged.