Last Drop Blog

Through sobriety and difficult life moments, I have come to understand the importance of faith.

I didn’t grow up in the church. When I was younger, I actually always viewed going to church as odd and a waste of time.

I still do not go to church.

I do however fully understand and fully respect peoples reliance and belief in a higher power.

Life is hard.

Situations in life arise that leave you depressed, lost, and feeling isolated.

It is so easy for me to have a situation as mentioned arise in my life and look internally. How can I fix this? What did I do to get to this point? Where did I go wrong in my past?

It can consume me.

Recently, I had a strong desire to be more active in my sobriety. In saying this, I mean my emotional sobriety.

For those that have not “worked through sobriety” it is not simply not drinking. That is a HUGE aspect of it. However many people who have substance abuse issues have deeper emotional or mental issues that led them to drink.

I recognized this early on in my sobriety. I was so anxious all the time. I could hardly leave my apartment without struggling to breathe. Typical errands became the hardest parts of my day. My self esteem and self belief was buried somewhere.

I went to the doctors and went to therapy for the first time in my life. I started to realize and understand that I was not ok mentally.

I started to realize that these feelings were not abnormal.

I really tried to do a ton of things on my own the first year or two of my sobriety.

I had a sober friend who would ask me if I am “going to meetings” I had my therapist tell me about AA. I guess I was not ready to admit to myself that that was me.

I was still very self centered and still thought I could handle life on my own.

I was making baby steps to connect with others and talk about how I was feeling.

I moved down to Austin to remove myself from my former living environment. I started going to The Phoenix events, a sober fitness community. I met some sober friends.

I learned a bit more about AA through some sober friends. I still thought nothing of it. I never really envisioned myself in AA.

Now that it is nearing the end of 2024. I am 27 years old. I am 3 years and 4 months sober. I have had success and experienced failure. I feel a bit more settled in terms of my social circle. I have lifelong friends who I am certain will remain lifelong friends. I am in a healthy relationship. I am feeling more committed than ever to AA and working through my sobriety.

It is not even the fact that I have strongly questioned drinking this past year. It is more so the fact that this past year has been incredibly difficult. I believe a massive part of that being the case is because I was so self centered. I do not say that to bash myself. I say that because I am learning that is not the way I want to live my life.

I have also learned also through working my sobriety these past few months, that alcoholics are self centered. I have personally felt like BECAUSE I am sober and BECAUSE I put in the work on myself, I am deserving of something grand.

The honest truth is that I am deserving of absolutely nothing. It is a blessing to even be alive on this earth. It is a blessing to be so connected to other human beings and loved ones. It is a blessing every single day to wake up.

I feel as if deep down I have always been connected to a higher power. I have, just like many things in my life up until this point, refused to allow myself to feel that.

I am absolutely no expert in sobriety. I am no expert in life in your 20s. I am simply documenting and learning.

I am working to understand that there is so much in life that I cannot control. It is freeing IF I allow myself to work daily to understand this.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

Good things have happened in my life when I have tried each day to show up understanding that I do not have as much control as I once thought.

I encourage anyone who has read this to question if you have been living a self-centered life recently. For me the answer to that question was and almost always in YES. I am working to understand that it is not the way I want to live my life. It brings my little joy and fulfillment.

Especially with this time of year I feel it is important to think of others.