Last Drop Blog

I have been sober for four years now.

The more things change the more they stay the same.

I never pictured what my life would look like being sober for this long. I was consumed in fear and self when I first started this sobriety journey. I was 23 when I made the decision to quit drinking. It became fairly obvious to me that I had little to no control over alcohol. I was a blackout drunk. I drank to the point of blacking out more times than I could ever count. I tried moderation. I tried just about every trick in the book to have a “normal drinking night” and no luck. I got embarrassed for myself. I got sad for myself. I got nervous about what my future could hold. A life without drinking was so nerve-wracking to me. I worried I would lose my friends. I worried I would be forever sad and anxious. I worried I would have permanent low self-esteem. I worried I would never find love. I worried I would never love myself. I worried I would lose my personality. I worried I would stop living a life worth living.

With all these worries however I still made the decision to face the uncertainty and I am more grateful than ever that I did. I kept my friends and gained more. I am not forever sad and anxious (only sometimes, but that is human nature). I am more confident in myself than ever before. I found love. I love myself. I am still the same person I was before I started this journey. I am living a life worth living.

My life hasn’t really drastically changed and I say that with happiness. Everything works out just the way it was intended.

I am 27 now, turning 28 soon. A lot of the shit I once worried about never crosses my mind. Shit is constantly changing whether you have a say in it or not.

The biggest change I made in the last year was committing to AA. The TLDR on AA for those reading who have never been is fellowship, helping others, and connecting with a higher power.

I will not venture to deep into religion talk here but for me personally I rely a lot more heavily on my higher power than I ever did before in my life.

I realized that a lot of my stress was me acting as my own higher power. What I mean by that is, the more and more boxes I would check that I deemed to be the “right things” the more and more agitated I would get when things didn’t go my way. You are not in control. Life has gotten a whole lot more peaceful for me when I constantly remind myself of this. The easiest way for me to do it is to connect to that higher power and ask for acceptance of the things I cannot control.

“Living life on life’s terms”.

I will stop talking about AA now.

Anyways, I am four years sober today and life in generally pretty good. I feel a whole lot better than I did when I first got sober that is for certain.

If you want to get sober I will say it is not easy but it gets easier. Life still happens I just feel a whole lot more equipped to deal with it now that I am sober. I got nothing to run to anymore and that is a good feeling.

I would tell you that you truly have nothing to worry about but I know that it is nearly impossible to believe that. You will just need to keep taking things one day at a time and watch some of those worries come and go.

Sober people understand sober people. There truly is strength in numbers. Finding people on a similar journey may make all the difference for you. It made a huge difference for me.

If I could go back to the 23 year old me who was on day 1 of this journey I would say:

• you don’t even miss drinking anymore
• you still have all your old friends
• you still have the same sense of humor
• you actually gained confidence
• you finally put on some weight although you are still kinda skinny but you care a lot less about your appearance in a good way
• your stomach doesn’t hurt as more and you cant recall the last time you threw up
• you are not all that unique and it was a great thing for you to realize
• you have a beautiful girlfriend you didn’t need any liquid courage in the first place
• you established a belief in yourself you never knew was there
• you traveled internationally and traveled solo
• you moved to a new city by yourself and managed to make it work AND you still live there today
• you feel good more days than you feel bad which is all you hoped for in the beginning

Grateful for another day. If you need help or someone to talk to please dont hesitate to reach out. You can DM me on instagram @willhue12 or hulett.will97@gmail.com and I will get back to you.