Last Drop Blog

“When you practice self-identifying every time you find yourself frustrated or inexplicably annoyed with someone or their behavior, you tap into an ultimate tool for growth and the fastest route to creating a more peaceful existence for yourself.”

The holidays, end of a year, and start of a new one lead to many emotions. One emotion I struggle with from time to time is anger. A therapist described anger to me as an iceberg emotion. At the top of the iceberg above the oceans surface is anger, below it is all the emotions that led you to being angry in the first place. I find myself getting angry with other people, situations, events, work, myself every now and then and sometimes often. Ultimately, I was never angered by other peoples behaviors…. it was always behaviors that existed within myself that I see in others.

I tend to just shut off when I get angry at others or a situation outside of my control. I get quiet, I don’t engage in much conversation, I isolate, and it can eat at me for a long time. I do not do the best job of trying to find what is below the surface of this emotion anger. I have improved with my reaction to anger because in the past I would turn to distractions like drinking and now I am left to face it sober. However, there is always room to improve when it comes to emotional intelligence. It is ok to remove yourself from a situation or conversation that angers you but only if you seek to ask yourself why this made you angry. Simply removing yourself from a situation to seek distractions can stunt any opportunities for growth. I do not have many resolutions yet to my anger. I do not have many answers to why I get angry at times and why I feel like taking my anger out in negative ways. I am currently just working on asking myself why I get angry and holding myself back from negative reactions.

I feel as if we all can think to a conversation with a family member, friend, co-worker, significant other where we may have said something out of anger that we didn’t truly mean or at least wanted to say something. One thing I have learned is the importance of protecting your space and sanity. Asking myself if this friendship, relationship, or situation is worth investing my energy/emotions into or worth walking away from. In some instances the hardest thing to do is walk away from a situation or person that is detrimental to yourself and your growth. You may ask yourself if you are being selfish and constantly second guess things. You cannot sit in these thoughts long. Life is short and in the end it is your life to live. Often when you think your being selfish you are not. You are likely just putting yourself first in a hard situation because your intuition is right.

Don’t wallow in self pity when you make these decisions learn more about yourself, let go of your ego, understand this is where you can experience great growth. Think about your future and how you can use these experiences to make positive changes.

I have worked incredibly hard the past year and more to love myself and understand myself. I know I will still make plenty of mistakes. I know I will experience self doubt. I know I will still get angry at others. But I know that this is my life and these are my decisions that I am making to mold my future and create the life I want/deserve.

The more introspection that takes place in my life the more I understand that everyone is seeking a better life. The more I stop and ask myself why did I get angry the more I will respect others.

“Emotionally healthy people can identify the people who are spiteful, jealous, or too wrapped in their own issues to not project them onto everybody else. Do these people need love and companionship, too? Certainly. But sometimes walking away is the best way to do that. Most of the time, it’s the healthiest choice.”

These quotes are still from the book ” 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think” I am enjoying this book a lot. I haven’t read all the way through, I have simply been picking it up and reading sections at random to assist with introspection.

When I get angry with others I am working to understand that others have and will get angry at me and that is ok. We are all working through issues and seeking growth. Be good to yourself without letting yourself off the hook constantly in thinking outside noise is the issue to your problems.

Odd’s are you are doing better than you think you are. The work you are putting in is sufficient and you are making progress. This doesn’t mean you should stop trying to progress or get complacent, it just means you should reflect and find some things you are proud of.

As this year wraps up, I went back and read my past new year’s resolutions. Generally speaking, I achieved everything I wanted to this year. I got comfortable living in a new city, I met new friends, I found a sober community, I pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone, and I learned a lot about myself.

The holidays and end of a year can be a difficult time for anyone. It can be an extremely difficult time for people working on sobriety. You may travel back home and see friends and family that may bring back old memories. You get reminded of the things you no longer do and it can make you feel like a bit of an outsider. You may be reminded of how long you have been sober and while that should be a good thing it can also make you feel like you got your life together and a few drinks wont hurt. Admittedly, I have had these thoughts recently. The longer you stray away from the old you the easier it is to forget the bad times drinking and focus in on the good.

So as you go into the holidays and the new year and you are working on sobriety or your relationship with alcohol remember just because you feel like you should do something doesn’t mean you need to act on it. Your feelings dont define you and they should not correlate to your actions. If you feel like you got your life back on track and a few drinks wont hurt don’t just act on those feelings… think about what you did to get here and why you may feel this way.

I am grateful to be in a situation where I face another year that I can continue to work on myself. I am grateful I took this past year seriously and stayed disciplined. I am grateful that I am more comfortable with my sobriety and although I still struggle it is not a daily battle.

My main goal for this past year was to meet new people and make new friends. I did those things and learned a lot about what I really want going forward. I learned you can’t force friends. I learned that sometimes you should be by yourself. I learned that relationships come and go and some are not meant to be lifelong. I learned that every person you meet along the way can teach you a lesson or provide you with memories to look back on. A lot can change in a year.

In my journey to make new friends and meet new people I found out that sometimes I tried to make friends just to achieve this goal. I didn’t do too much reflection on the type of friends these people were or could become. I may have made efforts to connect with these people and meet up simply to stay busy and have plans. In short, I learned that you cannot force friends. You cannot force good lifelong relationships. These things come to you and when good people come along I will be better equipped to see these people as valuable.

I learned that there is a major difference to being lonely and being uncomfortable being alone. So a goal for next year is to do a better job of recognizing if I am lonely or uncomfortable being alone in certain situations. I want to ensure that when I am saying yes to other people that I am not saying no to myself. If I decide to stay in one night because I feel the need to recharge, I want to feel good about that decision because I said yes to myself first. I don’t want to waste my energy on trying to force friendships or relationships for the sake of simply having them. I want to wake up everyday knowing I am a confident person who is worthy of good friendships and relationships and not stress these things, rather know they are coming when the time is right. I am excited that as I go into next year I am yet again in a situation where I can learn more about myself and make life experiences with the freedom I have.

This is from a book I just started. ” Happiness is not how many things you do but how well you do them. More is not better. Happiness is not experiencing something else; it’s continually experiencing what you already have in new and different ways. Unfortunately as we’re taught that passion should drive our every thought move and decision, we’re basically impaled with the fear that we’re unhappy because we’re not doing enough.”

The underlying lesson in nearly everything I have read or experienced in my self help journey has been the correlation of being present to being happy.

I find myself staying busy just to stay busy often. There is no real purpose behind what I am doing. I can easily distract myself from the present moment by filling my time with activities, errands, phone use, TV, etc. I find myself starting a movie or show that I may want to watch and not making it even halfway through because I get antsy and check my phone or go out and do something.

There are plenty of times where I recognize I am lucky to be in a certain situation and I want to be present but I struggle because of my mood. “Your mood is a filter through which you experience life”. Working on how you feel on a day to day basis should be the top priority… not doing as many things as you can to have fun. I have traveled quite a bit the past year and have been incredibly lucky to see a lot of the country and travel outside the US too. Those trips and experiences should as enjoyable as possible and it starts with you and your mood. I learned I shouldn’t wait for a trip, the start of a new month, after a holiday, etc. to begin working on myself and my mood.

The more I stay disciplined and on top of my mood the better I will be able to experience life in the present moment.

The best ways to be present for me and for plenty of others I have learned through reading is with a routine. It doesn’t matter what your routine consists of but it does matter that you make a decision in your mind and stick to it. Build up your self respect and watch your confidence grow. Most things that build genuine happiness are not hits of instant gratification they come with discipline and time.

Meditation is part of my routine and I absolutely notice how my mood changes when I stop meditating consistently. I am not the biggest fan of sitting still and focusing on nothing but it breeds discipline, forces me to be patient, slows me down, and makes me realize that at any point in time I can take a break.

If you struggle with finding enjoyment throughout your day and look externally to find that enjoyment, maybe take some time to ask yourself “what can I do to change my mood?”.

Even though I blogged early this month it somehow feels like I neglected the blog lately. Just felt like I didn’t have much to report on and was working on self care the past few weeks. I absolutely still need to improve on how I treat myself and understanding that sometimes I get anxious and it was not self inflicted.

My anxiety hasn’t necessarily came back into my life lately but I think I started removing some distractions that made me realize I still had anxiety. It has always been there and lingering but wildly enough I have had days, weeks, months even when I dont put too much thought into my anxiety because I dont feel controlled by it. But, I did go ahead and remove some distractions in my life this past month that may have been truly masking my anxiety and preventing me from feeling present.

I have had time to reflect a lot this past month after feeling like I pretty much had a lobotomy the past few months. I felt like I was just moving through time without many thoughts in my head. At times I loved that because I never got too caught up on the little things and it probably prevented me from experiencing uncomfortable emotions. But through my sobriety journey I have learned that the uncomfortable emotions and experiences are where you grow the strongest.

You cant just hide from shit and expect progress. You gotta be honest with yourself and not get caught up in lies or excuses. I would make excuses constantly while I was still drinking for anything and everything. I still find myself wanting to go back to making excuses for how I am feeling. I am working on realizing I am in control of my thoughts. I also understand that sometimes I just get anxious and uncomfortable with my current state and it has absolutely nothing to do with what I did that day or week. I don’t always have to get anxious and immediately be like “why am I anxious?” “what did I do to feel like this?” and start getting down on myself.

I feel like that is a valuable lesson I have learned this month and along my journey. Sometimes you really are not the problem…it really is not your fault..you didn’t do anything to reflect how you’re feeling. Sometimes you just feel anxious or shitty for no reason at all and you shouldn’t look to uncover why all the damn time. I definitely am an over-thinker and am quick to blame myself for anything and everything but you really got to be good to yourself. If you are putting in some effort everyday to better yourself that is enough.

I needed to hear that I am doing enough right now so hopefully anyone reading this can hear that as well. You are doing enough. You are not defined by your feelings or anxiety. You can have good days cause you deserve them and bad days even when you dont.

Also if you don’t go to therapy I honestly can’t recommend it enough. Lately I just hop on a zoom call once every few weeks and it is just an ideal way to check in on yourself. Sometimes I dont know how I am really doing or feeling without it.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller

Time really does go by incredibly quick. It has been easy for me lately to just go through the motions and not reflect on what I am doing or where I have been. I copied a journal prompt thread I saw on twitter for a monthly reflection. It is important to remind yourself that you are doing well or that you are making progress in life when you sometimes struggle to remember that.

1. What were my biggest wins?
   • I traveled a lot. I was able to see some new places and things and meet some new people.
   • I stayed consistent with my fitness. I didn’t workout every day but I was able to get myself to the gym just enough to be happy and feel good.
2. What were my biggest realization’s?
   • I realize that I am getting more comfortable in my sobriety. My travel this past month was work related and I was comfortable in work party settings just having a diet coke or a water.
   • I realize that I struggle with loneliness a fair amount. I need to put more effort into making real connections and I realize the value in meaningful conversations.
3. What areas am I most satisfied? Least satisfied?
   • I am most satisfied with my career/financial situation. I understand that I am lucky to have a stable job and solid income at this point in my life and in this timeframe specifically.
   • I am least satisfied with my internal dialogue. I generally speaking have not been the happiest person lately. I simply put, would like to feel more confident in myself and that starts with how I treat myself. Can’t sweat the small stuff.
4. What am I going to do more of this month? Less of?
   • More meditation. Learning to be present and set time aside to reflect is crucial for me and my mental health. I am going to set aside 10 minutes daily to meditate.
   • Less dating apps. I recently deleted the dating app I was on. I spend too much time on them and it can be detrimental to my mental health. Ideally I would like to meet people naturally and organically and dating apps can push you away from that.
5. What am I thinking about for the upcoming month?
   • Am I thinking about my happiness and how my environment impacts that. I have been traveling quite a bit and now will have time to relax at home. I want to take some time to see how my environment is helping/hurting me.
   • Accountability. I have gone easy on myself lately and it is now time for me to be accountable and achieve my goals for the month.

Figured I would share this journal entry. It can be easy to go through each day, week, and month without much thought about you and your feelings. How did today make you feel? What did you do today to benefit you and your mental health? It doesn’t need to be black and white. It doesn’t need to be “this was good” “this was bad”. A simple observation of where you’re at is enough to slow you down.

I am incredibly lucky and grateful to have a stable career that grants me opportunities to travel. I am grateful I use those opportunities to see new places and experience new things. Do I always want to hop on a plane or drive long distances? No. But I get to do these things. Do I always want to travel solo? No. But I may not have another opportunity to travel to these places and see these things again.

I took a trip to Joshua Tree solo and while I was driving through the park I thought about the fact that I may never be back here again in my life. Sure, if someone I know wanted to go or I got an invite I could make the trip back. But, it is more likely than not that I wont be back there again in my life and that really forced me to embrace it. All the time you live through experiences that may be your last. You ever experience something for the first time and try to re-create that experience and it just wasn’t the same as the first time? This has happened to me countless times and I know its a common feeling for most people. So I want to work on being present and appreciative of my situation regardless of how I may be feeling in the moment because truly… I may never experience these things again. Its overdone and cliche but “live everyday like its your last” kinda rings true… especially when I remind myself its already October 2022…. I have lived in Austin for almost an entire year…. I turned 25…. I have been sober for 419 days…time really doesn’t slow down for anything.

I took some time off from blogging, journaling, meditating, the gym etc. Partially because I was traveling and sick but also because I needed to recharge. As someone who has an addictive personality, I isolate as a coping mechanism for my issues. I tend to set high expectations for myself and it can seriously overwhelm me. In turn, I can talk myself out of the things I want to do to better myself and isolate.

I recognized my isolation problems not too long ago. I have likely written about them in past blogs. Since I noticed this problem, I have had a difficult time differentiating my alone time and my negative coping habit of isolation. It can make it difficult to relax and recharge. I am a person that fairly constantly needs to be busy and doing something. I find myself making plans to do things and when the time comes around regretting the fact that I made them because I feel like I am always on the go and need to rest. I hardly bail on plans I have made or events I said I would go to because I would get down on myself and feel like I am not staying true to my inner dialogue. But, I am working on accepting the fact that I truly enjoy alone time and need it. I need to recharge and I need to spend time by myself just relaxing or doing the things I enjoy without the pressures of socializing.

I need to remind myself that it is ok to just do nothing at times. It does not need to be defined as “isolating” rather it is truly recharging. I am not saying I am ok with laying in my bed for hours aimlessly scrolling my phone and checking social media. But, I am learning to be happy with my alone time whether it is going to my room mid day to take a nap, taking a walk, listening to a podcast or taking a long drive. I need these things in my life. I fear isolation and I have felt the negative effects it has had on my mental state. I feared it so much that I really got down on myself for recharging because I identified that as isolation. It is not the case. There is a major difference.

I think there is something pretty powerful about understanding your feelings and knowing what you need to do to improve. If I dont spend time alone relaxing and resting, I will find myself overcome with intense emotions when I do go out and socialize. When I am around drinking and large groups of people with little rest, it is a terrible time. I tend to leave and not want to talk to anyone. When I spend time to myself and recharge, I can control those emotions far easier and will be able to be more present at events or outings.

So if you are like me in anyway…when you need it: take a nap, lay in bed, take time off from the gym, hit snooze, eat whatever you want, take the afternoon off at work etc. You need it. You will be better off because of it. Don’t feel guilty either. I think one of the hardest things in life is finding balance. Last thing I want is to grow old and realize I spent most of my days staying busy just because I thought I needed to stay busy and not because I wanted to.

Through therapy I have recently learned about “opposite action”. Opposite action is using a behavior opposite to your emotional urge to turn down the volume on your emotion.

Emotions are very difficult to understand and work through. Everyone has things they tend to gravitate towards when uncomfortable emotions come their way. I personally turned to drinking and drugs to turn down the volume on most of my emotions in the past. When I made the decision to remove drugs and alcohol out of my life I then turned to social isolation to handle tough emotions. If I was feeling anxious, sad, depressed, heartbroken, angry etc. I would gravitate towards my bed or sit alone in my apartment. I would avoid texts or bail on plans to get out and do things because I really was not feeling up for it. All I wanted to do was avoid my feelings or emotions by hiding from the world. Turns out that is not only unhealthy but really one of the last things you should do. I am by no means an expert in opposite action but I have found positive actions to take when I am feeling depressed and sad. Instead of sitting alone in my sadness and spending time to collect myself, I should do the opposite. I should get outside, make plans to meet with friends, be around people, feel connected. It is literally the exact opposite of social isolation and likely the last thing you want to do in the moment, but it is also one of the best things you can do for your mental state. You will likely leave the meet up, event, place you went feeling less sad and less depressed. You did the opposite of what you wanted to do and in turn it made the emotions weaker.

I still am and likely still will be working through these coping mechanisms for a while. I am lucky enough to have found a solid opposite action for feeling depressed but there are more emotions that just that. You can feel angry, fearful, joy, excitement and these can all be very intense emotions. You will likely gravitate towards certain activities or things when these emotions arise and at time they may likely be very unhealthy for your current state. For example, you may feel angry and want to go blow off some steam by lifting, boxing, hitting the bars, etc. these things will actually increase the intensity of that anger. The opposite action for anger is commonly taking a short break, speaking softly, stretching to let go of tension, being nice to others when you really dont want to. I surely do not do the opposite action of my emotions all the time. I am just now learning about this and working to implement it into my life. I still isolate at times and still seek the comfortable coping mechanisms for intense emotions when I know I shouldn’t. All I do know is the last thing I should do when I am sad and depressed is sit in my bed for hours and avoid social interaction. I have pushed myself to go out and socialize or simply be around other people when I feel this way and in turn it has truly made those emotions less intense. I am not saying the emotions disappear entirely, but they do not feel as if they are in full control. This is also a great way to breed self discipline.

I am incredibly grateful that my sobriety journey has essentially forced me to sit with my raw emotions and at times get very very depressed. Without feeling that way, I would not learn how to deal with these things in a healthy way. I would not be able to get in tune with my emotions the way I can today and look to healthy coping strategies to deal with them. I would not be able to have the patience and understanding that these emotions are not permanent and will pass over time.

I felt pretty depressed the past few days and was able to recognize it. I really forced myself to just get up and get out. Did I enjoy myself? No, not really. But I wasn’t sitting in isolation letting my emotions intensify. Instead I did the opposite and turned down some of the noise in between my ears. Whether you are sober or not… you likely have some things “vices” you turn to when emotions start to become a little too intense. Those may be the very last things you should look for when this happens. For me the pattern started to become Sadness > Drink, Sadness > Drink, Sadness > Drink. That is when I really started to get serious about my sobriety. For you it could be emotions and vices much different than mine. Sometimes the last thing you want to do is the best thing for you.

I have consumed a fair amount of self help content, occasionally I consume too much of it. The purpose and goal of reading and listening to this content is to utilize the tips and tricks in your own day to day life. At times, I found myself reading a lot of things about optimizing your health and I was not doing much. It in turn was somewhat detrimental to my mental state. I would read a bunch of shit telling me what I should be doing while doing almost none of it.

The one thing that has stuck with me the past few years has been simple but incredibly effective. Getting outside. Getting sunlight. I truly believe there is nothing simpler and better for your overall health than sun exposure. You do not need to go far to see articles, podcasts, books etc. that reference the importance of this.

Huberman Lab is a podcast I tend to go back to often. Here is an article that links quick blips from his podcast about sun exposure upon waking up.

The best part about this is that it doesn’t require much work and you can notice the impact quickly. I personally just try and get outside and spend time in the sun within the first 90 minutes of waking up. If it is already sunny out you really only need 5-10 minutes but if cloudy, I aim for 30 minutes. Being from New England and experiencing seasonal depression, I have not had a hard time getting outside while here in Texas. Even while living in Boston during the winters, I forced myself to get out for a quick walk. It is not always easy, but if the hardest thing you had to do in a day was get outside for a bit you had it alright.

I have 100% noticed a difference in my mental health by making this a consistent daily habit. It increases my energy, my sleep, overall mood, and has absolutely allowed me to get a grasp on my mental health. The underlying message from ALL of these self help tips and tricks is consistency and discipline. In general you will not want to get outside every morning of every day. I am happy that I have made this such a habit/routine that I almost dont even think about it anymore. These little tasks that you assign yourself are so important to complete. It is a way to take control of your own life. In forcing yourself to get out and do the things that you know you should do but dont want to do in the moment you are growing into the person you want to become. You think I wanted to show up to places sober early on? I could hardly get myself to walk out of my apartment to go to the CVS down the street. You think I wanted to pack up and move to Austin by myself in nearly the peak of my depression and anxiety? 100% No. But, deep down I knew I should do it and I stuck with that gut feeling and learned to be disciplined. I am certain there are plenty of times in your own life where you did not want to do something but your gut told you to and you may not realize it but that decision likely impacted your future for the best.

So when I have those days or moments when I really don’t want to do the simplest task of the day (getting outside) I think back to how far I have grown and how far I can continue to grow if I take some control over my decisions. Having been in a pretty bad place mentally at points, I do understand that getting outside daily can be hard. But it is hard to sympathize for those that do not feel well and do not take 5 mins a day to get outside. I vividly remember taking walks in the freezing cold practically wanting to break down and cry because of how I was feeling with my life. You wont think about the benefits of that time outside in the moment but I assure you, if you feel shitty and you make a conscious effort to get outside every single day things will change.

In just teaching yourself to be disciplined and to listen to that inner voice, you will grow. I am coming up on a year of sobriety and those little walks every day played a huge role in my progress. I learned a lot about myself and how strong I was. There were plenty of days pre-sobriety where I wouldn’t leave my house or apartment. Some days I wouldn’t even leave my bedroom. Days where I just sat marinating in my own thoughts, knowing I wanted to do something about my life and mental health but not taking action. So yeah, long story short get outside and feel the sun for 5 minutes a day.

In my own efforts to get outside daily I have learned to love being outside. It is a way for me to slow down and a constant reminder that there is a big fucking world out there and my problems aren’t so bad. Be good to yourself. Speak up if things are bad, speak up if things are good. Open up, there are people that need to hear what you have to say.

I wanted to start this post with a passage from a book I just read.

“Let me sum up what I’ve learned about creativity from the world of Wholehearted living and loving:

1. “I’m not very creative” doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who dont. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.
2. The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.
3. If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sign–it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.”

(from The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown)

Reading this was enough to just motivate me to start writing this blog post. I think the hardest part in doing something that requires your own motivation and determination is just getting started. Going to the gym, cooking a meal, waking up early, reading, meditating etc. the hardest part about doing these things is getting started. When you complete these tasks you may at times wonder why you were dreading getting started because of how good you feel afterwards.

I don’t know about you all but I would really like to leave something behind in this lifetime that is worthwhile. I dont quite know what that is or may never know what that will be but I had to get started and this blog was my attempt to start. I think in getting comfortable telling your story you can inspire and motivate people for a long long time. I think to some of my favorite musicians and it is amazing to me how certain songs connect with the way I am feeling or have felt. Those songs aren’t going anywhere and are timeless.

I think how you are feeling in the current moment is commonly what dictates the direction of your day. I am working on accepting my feelings but not letting them define me. I have battled with depression and as a result it has left me de-motivated and prevented me from getting out and doing beneficial things. In time, I started to understand that I was not gonna feel depressed forever and I am also learning you are not gonna feel happy/excited forever. You are not always going to be in control of your emotions and feelings. At some point the only thing you can do is just take action and get started regardless of how you are feeling in the moment.

I have also been working on accepting that there may be a time in my life where I look back on this timeframe that I am in and miss it. Not all of it I’m sure of, but the aspect of being young, having freedom, trying and failing at things, living in a new city, meeting new people, being sad and alone all will be things I miss to an extent. So what is the point of hoping to feel better all the time. Hoping to be in a loving relationship all the time. Hoping to be physically fit and looking good all the time. Hoping to have a huge salary and cool job all the time. When in reality, years could pass and you may be hoping you were 5 years younger again with a new mindset.

I am working to accept that I should be experiencing the feelings that have came into my life because they’re here for a reason. Rather than working to find things to constantly distract me from my feelings, I am working on accepting them for what they are. I am not letting them prevent me from doing the things I had wanted to do or dictate my day to day. It is ok to hurt. I used to run from hurt all the time. Little did I know that was no way of escaping the pain it was just a way to prolong it. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone it is not meant to be easy, it is not meant to magically solve all your problems, in fact it may highlight your problems and put them at the forefront of your life. This can be very intimidating and scary. But you signed up for it and it may be a long road ahead. You can either go back to your old ways and keep doing the things you are all too familiar with or experience the pain that comes from growth and new experiences.

A lesson that I learned throughout my sobriety and mental health journey is that you can feel like total shit and still go out and do the things you think you want to do. It is ok if you go through those things with a bad mindset and you do not notice your mindset change in that very moment. As long as you got started regardless of how you felt in the moment you made a very solid effort at change. Not all the time but most of the times that I have kinda forced myself along to get out and do things when I was feeling really low, I have left them with a much different mindset. I have some pretty clear memories of going out and doing things with friends or family when I was feeling really shitty and I can look back on those times and be proud of how far I have came in such a short period of time. If I had just stayed in all the time and never pushed myself along when I felt bad, I would have nothing to look back on and compare my feelings to.

This blog felt pretty all over the place but I think it highlights the message to just get started. I didn’t and don’t always feel like writing these but I know it is good for me. If you are feeling shitty or just sick and tired of doing the same old things day in and day out, get started with something new. Something that you can leave your mark on. Hopefully in jumpstarts a lot of positive changes in your life.